Over the weekend I called my Mom to ask her if it would be okay to come visit for a little while. She said to come on over whenever we were ready. So I show up t o her messy little townhouse with Natalie and Matt and we begin talking for a while. I always enjoy seeing my Mother...after all she is my Mother! BUT I feel like she 1) either doesn't know how to be a grandmother or 2) doesn't want to be a grandmother or 3) I don't even know what it is!
We took Natalie over and my Mom heated me up some of their homemade crock pot chili which is one of their favorite things to cook. She played with Natalie for a minute and talked to her and asked us how we were all doing...but after about 20 minutes of being at my Mom's I feel like we are invading her time/ space and it just gets awkward. It's like she is too busy to just 'catch' up with us but she is doing nothing at all when we show up INVITED.
So we are hanging out for about 20-30 minutes and then my Dad shows up with my younger brother who is almost 13. My brother wants to go to a friend's house so my Mom tells us she has to drive him over there (ironically he lives in the same neighborhood we live in). So we are like okay that's fine. Well my Dad plays with Natalie for all of 15 minutes outside with her wagon and giant bouncy ball and then he tells us he is going inside to lay down and watch golf. Which is fine since he was out all morning with my brother doing archery or whatever it is you call it and he works hard so I could imagine him being tired on a Sunday afternoon before the start of his new work week. BUT what I don't understand is where is the enthusiasm of being a grandparent!?!?
Both of my parents work. My Mom is a teacher for mentally disturbed children who are in alternative schools because they got in trouble. She works with High School students. My Father is a manager of an electrical company that sets up security in schools and government buildings. They both work 40-55 hours a week. I GET that they are tired and that they work hard and want to enjoy their weekends. What I don't understand is that we don't even bring Natalie over every weekend...it's like every 3 weekends if that and when we do it's never for that long because we always feel like we are 'taking up their time'.
My parents house is kind of messy...well it's really messy. They have my 19 year old sister living with them as well as my 12 year old brother...but they are no help when it comes to cleaning and taking care of stuff. My parents home has always screamed chaos and it has always been a free for all environment and an eat wherever you want vibe. I hate taking Natalie to their house because my twin sister, Mom, and Dad all smoke cigarettes which we can't stand the smell or the yellow walls. BUT we come over to be nice and not keep Natalie from them because God forbid they come to our house...that would be out of their way!
So my Dad is downstairs watching Golf and my Mom is gone dropping off my younger brother at a friends house and what is there left to do? Nothing. I start packing up Natalie's diaper bag and things and we get ready to go and then my Mom walks in the door as if she is surprised that we are leaving. It's like, "well you invited us over and then left." and nobody is talking or paying attention to the fact that we are here so why stay if we don't feel welcome?
It's like they are either HORRIBLE when it comes to social cues and common sense or they don't want us to come over. Whatever it is I wish it was easier to tell because I'm not dumb when it comes to reading people but they are so confusing it's insane.
Another thing: I know that Grandparents are not obligated to buy their grandchildren things and that not everyone is made of money BUT since Natalie has been born (which she is 19 months) My Mom has bought her a dresser for her baby shower, a fisher price farm for her birthday, a pair of earrings, and my Dad got Natalie a wagon for Christmas. That may sound like a lot and I might sound like an ungrateful daughter but for 19 months of having a grandchild that's not a lot! They bought her a baby shower gift, a birthday gift and a Christmas gift for 2 years. That's about it!!! Most grandmas are excited to buy little girl clothes and toys and bring their grandchildren out for ice-cream or dinner or to fun kid places.....not my parents. In fact they have NEVER offered to babysit for us, take Natalie out for an afternoon without me being present, or to take her overnight since she's been born.
Now if I recall correctly: growing up I was ALWAYS at either my Mom's parents house or my Dad's parents house for the weekend because my parents were going out on a date or a mini weekend vacation. We ALSO had a babysitter and my parents went out almost every Friday. So it surprises me that such 'active' parents who were always going out on dates and such CANT offer once to babysit their one and only, well behaved, young grandchild. Why is that?
How in the world do I even fix something like this that annoys/ puzzles me? I can't force somebody to be interested in being a grandparent, I can't force somebody to make time for their grandchild...but why don't they? My older sister (by 5 years) is 24 and she is dating this WAY older guy who has two daughters. Whenever they come over or better yet my parents go over to their house it's like an all day event with drinking and making good food and talking and having a good time. When Matt and I come over it's like my parents have nothing to talk about, no time for us and they are preoccupied with something.
But Matt doesn't kiss my parent's ass like my older sister's boyfriend does. Matt doesn't pretend to be somebody that he isn't. Matt doesn't drink alcohol at 1:00 in the afternoon for no occasion or reason. He doesn't pretend to take interest in things my Dad likes just to make him happy. I don't go over to my parents to brag about how much money we have or don't have or who just got a promotion that week. I just go over there to ask them how they are doing and let them see their growing granddaughter. That's it! I feel like if my older sister had a child she would bring it over like it was a little puppet, dressed up in expensive brand name clothing with some ugly name like the one she has picked out, "Desmond David" what the hell kind of little boy name is that? That is like asking for your child to be tortured its entire life if you ask me. They would bring their kid over and make it do little dances and twirl around in circles and recite poems and shit. Everything would be all scripted and perfect. It would make me sick.
What I find even CRAZIER is my Dad's father was the same way! He had 2 children. My Aunt Cristi and my Dad, David. My Dad had 4 children and my Aunt Cristi 3. My Dad let us kids do whatever interested us and my Aunt kind of forced her 3 daughters into ballet and being straight A students and living the ultimate life of perfection. My parents in my opinion let us be kids and do what we wanted, whether if that was parks and rec. soccer or building shit with rocks. They didn't care as long as WE were happy. Every event at my Grandpa's house on my Dad's side of the family was/is always the same. We would show up on time and my Aunt would be 2 hours late with her 3 girls wearing $200.00 dresses and white stockings with fancy shoes and stiff hair sprayed curls. She would have some fancy side dish that was created off of a Martha Stewart cooking show and she would have all of these table decorations and accent pieces. Everything was always a 'show' when they walked in the door. My Grandpa was obsessed with their aims at perfection too and as soon as they showed up we were invisible.
My Dad often times complains about his childhood and how nothing he ever did was good enough. His Dad never treated him fairly or paid him any attention. His sister was always the golden child and it was always all eyes on Cristi. Yet, what is my Dad doing now as a grown man? He is paying all of his attention to his eldest daughter because she strives to kiss his ass and impress him and make him proud of her. His other 3 kids...he has no time of day for us unless it's convenient to him. It makes me sick. I guess the saying, "we turn into our parents" is true. I just hope I never end up like that. I think being a grandparent is one of the best privileges ever...and I'm sure it's also one of the hardest jobs ever.
You have to present your knowledge of raising children to your kids and step sons/ daughters without acting like a know it all. You get the amazing privilege of loving on a child that isn't yours but they have a warm place in their heart just for you. Weekend sleepovers become mini vacations for them where you get to bake cookies and stay up late watching movies. You can spoil them and buy them things they don't need and then send them home and not have to worry about how loud the toy you bought them was or how their parents said "no" but you -grandma- said "yes". I can't wait for that day to come......to be able to hold a newborn all over again after it being a decade before you could hold one that was related to you.
I feel like my parents don't look at it that way though. I know they may not have been able to be grandparents at 46 and 53 years old either...but they don't get to press a button when they are ready. Stuff happens. You would think they would be happy for us that we are still together and being amazing parents that are both on the same page and both want the best for our daughter. I feel sad for Natalie a lot of the time. We live with Matt's parents BUT just because we live with them it doesn't mean they have to be great grandparents...they CHOOSE to be. They spend time with her, they love her, teach her, help her, take her places, soothe her.....and she is comfortable with them. She recognizes them...she loves them...she acts her normal and goofy self around them. Around my parents Natalie is a whole different kid. She is shy and hesitant to let her normal little self come out of her shell. I feel like they don't even know the real Natalie because they don't even give her enough time to be herself around them and they are missing out on a wonderful little girl that is growing up OH so quickly. :'(
There is my vent for the day.
ON A BRIGHTER NOTE:
My favorite Holiday is Easter. It isn't even March and I've already made Easter cupcakes, bought everything for Natalie's Easter basket...including Easter chalk eggs that we used to draw pictures with in the driveway today! :) Can you say obsessed?
Natalie's butt after sitting in my chalk picture of an Easter basket and eggs. :) silly little girl!
Walking downtown today with her Wagon....which I was pulling along. We had some frozen yogurt and ate outside too since it was 57 degrees out today! :)
Hanging out downtown :)